Thought of the Week: Mourning the Loss of George, Someone I've Never Met

For those of you who know me well, you'll likely recall my near-life-long fondness for George Michael and his incredible music. His death on Christmas Day has shaken me more than I'd have ever imagined, and I've been experiencing my own form of mourning for this man whom I've, of course, never even met. While listening to his rich repertoire of music almost constantly this past week, I've been trying to make logical sense of this powerful emotional reaction I'm having. Aside from the fact that I am a generally emotional person, there must be more to my intense sadness, and so I've been peeling back the layers to try to find the answers.

I fell for George, born Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, when I was around my E's age, which equates to a one-sided relationship of well over three decades. The first time I heard his voice, he became my fave singer, and I remember well watching his first music videos in the early 1980s, including 'Young Guns (Go For It!)', 'Club Tropicana' and 'Last Christmas'. My fall for the British-born singer was complete.

Through grades 7 and 8, while living in Basel, Switzerland, my friends and I at the International School of Basel (I.S.B.) all loved the album 'Faith', which was George's debut solo album after his split from 'Wham!' and bandmate Andrew Ridgeley. I will admit, somewhat sheepishly, that my bedroom walls were well-adorned with posters of George Michael during these years. They were carefully taken out of the European music magazines that my friends and I pored over, a few even purchased at the poster stores that were popular with tweens (not a word in the '80s, but a brilliant term now that I'm a mother of one) and teens during that time. Other than a few track athletes whom I revered later during high school, no other celebrity would ever make my walls to this degree! We blasted the title track 'Faith' at our Upper Class dance, a medley of grades 7, 8 and 9 students from around the world dancing and singing our hearts out, some of us coupling off to sway back and forth together to George ballads like 'Kissing a Fool' and 'One More Try'. 

Upon returning to Ontario I was highly disturbed by the fact that several of my Canadian pals initially thought, with some confusion, that I was speaking about the local radio station's D.J. when I spoke of my favourite singer. His name was George Michaels (note the 's' at the end), and some were surprised to learn that he sang (which I don't believe he did, at least not in a professional context). I was ready to turn tail, get back on the nearest airplane and head back to Basel, where not only my first boyfriend and fantastic friends were, but where people didn't need to think twice about which George Michael(s) you were talking about!

Those were incredibly successful professional years for George, 'Faith' winning the Grammy for Album of the Year, as well as winning multiple American Music Awards, MTV Video Awards, and a host of other international music awards. An aspect of George's talent that has always impressed me massively is that not only was he an incredible vocalist and performer, but he also played most of the instruments in many of his songs, and wrote, arranged and produced nearly all of his tracks as well.

George's second solo album, 'Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1' was released a few years later in 1990, and I was beyond excited to get my hot little hands on it. These were, of course, the days when you had to go to a store to purchase a C.D., and I remember vividly doing so at a mall on the outskirts of Toronto and listening to the album during the drive home. Rather like George seems to have done during the years between the release of those first two solo albums, I had a strong sense that I was maturing as I listened to this second solo effort. 'Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1' was a much more serious album, a moody and intense feel to many of the lyrics as George seemed to be working hard to be taken more seriously in his craft. Featuring more acoustic sounds, the departure from the more largely pop and funk sounds of 'Faith' gave the sense that George was growing up, and of course, so was I. The title of this album couldn't have been more appropriate in my opinion, and I found that I had to listen with my whole heart and mind as I grappled with this maturation. By day's end, after having listened to the album over and over, already committing the lyrics to memory, I was sold in every sense of the word and embraced this more mature sound and artist. Some of my favourite George songs (though believe me, I have many and there's not a one I don't like) were released on this album, including 'Waiting for that Day', 'Heal the Pain' and 'Soul Free'. 'Mother's Pride' which is also on the 'Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1' album has never failed to bring tears to my eyes. Not once. I have to be careful when I listen to it, and have been known to skip past the song when I know it's an inopportune time to have a tear-streaked face.

Over the course of his career, George also performed with many other artists, both in large groups as in the case of Band Aid's 'Do They Know it's Christmas?', and in many duets. Some of these fantastic pairings included performances with Aretha Franklin, Elton John, Lisa Stansfield, Astrud Gilberto ('Desafinado' being another one of my fave songs), Queen, Mary J. Blige, Paul McCartney and Mutya. He performed at countless charity events and concerts, and in addition to me and my little old self, he had millions of superfans, including Princess Diana. He was a great philanthropist, donating money and the proceeds from the sales of many songs to numerous causes close to his heart, including HIV and children's charities, and famine relief efforts.

In 1996 came the release of the album 'Older' and once again, George's talents boggled me as I savoured his soulful lyrics and vocals in such heartbreaking songs as 'Jesus to a Child' and 'You Have Been Loved' (another fave that brings on tears). And then as I was becoming more interested in jazz sounds myself, George released a beautiful compilation of cover songs in 1999 on his album, 'Songs From the Last Century'. He covered such iconic classics as 'Roxanne' and 'My Baby Just Cares for Me', which may have been a dangerous endeavour if attempted by a lesser artist, but sung by George, these songs simply took on a richer resonance for me. Then again, George could've sung the pages of the phone book or dictionary to me, and I'd have listened with bated breath and rapt attention.

The years passed, and we indeed had to be patient for the release of George's album 'Patience' in 2004. For me, as for millions of fans around the world, the wait was always well worth it. I so appreciated the personal side that George seemed to share through many of his lyrics on this album, including those in his song 'Please Send Me Someone (Anselmo's Song)', chronicling the love and loss he felt for his partner Anselmo Feleppa, and the subsequent love he was fortunate to find again in Kenny Goss, shared in his uplifting song, 'Amazing'. George had also lost his mother to cancer during the years between these albums, and grieving had taken an emotional toll on his writing ability during this time of loss. How ever could we not have had patience for him and his efforts?

Several compilation albums were also released by George over the years, including 1998's 'Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael', a two-disc set featuring one C.D. of songs "for the heart" and a second "for the feet", the 2006 album 'Twenty Five', again boasting two discs, one "for living", the other "for loving", and the 2014 album 'Symphonica'. On the heels of the release of 'Twenty Five' came an event that fans like me had long been hoping for, but truly not counting on: another live concert tour! And so on July 17, 2008, with my second daughter in the proverbial oven, I was one of the 14 802 lucky ticket holders who danced and sang along with George at the Air Canada Centre at the Toronto show of his 25 Live Tour. A serious bucket list event this was for me! I remember everyone in the crowd chuckling as George spoke to the audience between sets, referencing some of the controversies surrounding him by saying, "I haven't always made it easy to be a George Michael fan." While certainly I could recall a time or two when I'd shaken my head lightly when learning about a faux-pas of George's that was caught in the limelight which followed him, I'd never once wavered in my reverence for his talents or in my diligence in defending him when any people I know poked fun or teased me about his pitfalls. George said it best himself in an Oprah interview when he stated, "I'm a very lucky man. I live with a man I love dearly. I have more love and success and security in my life than I could ever have dreamed of. So really, I don't need the approval of people who don't approve of me." So perfectly said. George performed fabulously live, as I knew he would from having seen countless recorded performances of his live abilities (his unplugged sessions are incredible!), and this concert will surely always go down as one of my very favourites.

While I very much recognize that I can only know the superficial persona of a celebrity, gleaned from interviews and articles, I always felt that the spirit George showed was one of kindness, humour - often in the form of self-deprecation - and one who knows the importance of love. Here's where I, as a super-fan, get to fantasize: I imagined that we would get along, if left in a sitting room to chat over tea, and I would ask him countless questions about his songs, his beautiful lyrics, his inspirations and just about himself as a human being.

And so here I sit, truly mourning the unexpected loss of George, who was found dead in his home at the age of 53 by his partner, Fadi Fawaz. One-sided though it may have been, my relationship with George was a lengthy one, and the impact he had on me with his music was formidable: he played the soundtrack of my life for over three decades. My girls have grown up listening to him as well, knowing full well whom I'm speaking of when I use the singular name "George" when referring to him and his music, as in, "I need some George!". In being honest with myself, I have little doubt that his passing is having an even greater impact on me because of a number of losses that our family has experienced over the past couple of years, the decline of my dear Oma over the past few months, and my own mid-life ailments and the realities that come with the wisdom of this age. Mortality, that inevitable and inescapable factor of life, becomes ever more poignant with each loss that I experience.

 

I'm so grateful to George for the fantastic music and lyrics that he gifted us. Thank you for sharing your talents with us over these many years. I'll surely be listening to your songs for the rest of my days, and I wish your family and loved ones peace as they deal with your tragic passing. Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, thank you. May you rest in peace and sing with the angels. 

My wonders: Is there a celebrity figure whom you've liked/been a fan of for as long as you can remember? If they've passed from this world, how did their death affect you?