All of that being said, there are times when the winter months can begin to wear on one, particularly if it's been a long season of severe winter weather, and if the sunshine has been scarce. I find that during such periods, the weariness I experience is more about my missing a broader colour palette than the plaguing frigid temperatures. Months on end of whites, greys and browns can become dreary, and when the sun hides its rays as it did this January, the urge to see some colour is strong. CBC News declared last month to be the "dreariest January in Waterloo Region in 19 years." As of January 29, 2017, 570 News reported that "the average amount of sunlight in January is 86 hours, or 21 days of sunlight. However . . . we've only had 12 hours of sunlight, or four days with sun." Fortunately, the sun began to peer through at the very end of the month and we've been fortunate to see it more frequently in February as well.
Escaping to warmer climates can be a most welcoming prospect during a Canadian winter for these very reasons, and my family did so with some good friends last month. While we usually enjoy the planning of a trip, we completely deferred to our friends this time, and so we let them and a friend of theirs who has recently become a travel agent do all of the legwork in the fall. We booked tickets to an all-inclusive resort in Cayo Coco, Cuba for the middle of January. As a teacher, I'm used to paying the peak-season prices of the Christmas or March Breaks, and so we were absolutely flabbergasted - and thrilled! - at the incredibly reasonable pricing available to us. Due to each family's own scheduling needs, we wound up traveling separately but overlapping five of our seven days of vacation.
I mentioned in my recent 'January 2017 By the Numbers' post (http://balancingb-g.blogspot.ca/search/label/By%20the%20Numbers) that "this past month was a topsey-turvey one emotionally speaking". I'd say that some of that topsey-turviness peaked during the weekend before we were scheduled to leave for Cuba, when I suffered something of an emotional breakdown. It wasn't pretty. My Oma, a beloved and constant figure in my life, had been declining in health over the past couple of years, and certainly since my dear Opa's passing in June of 2015. And that gradual decline seemed to have picked up in pace and severity as the new year arrived. In all honesty, had I known where things would be with her when we booked our trip to Cuba back in the fall, I never would have committed to the vacation. And so the weekend before our departure, spent both visiting with her as much as I could and then packing suitcases at home, I will admit that I was a sobbing mess, questioning what I was doing, one moment saying that I must cancel my flight, while simultaneously feeling guilty at the thought of abandoning M and the girls, not to mention our friends. M was fully supportive, more or less saying that he would do whatever it was that I needed from him. He had also arranged for his father, a retired minister, to stay at our house while we were away and to visit Oma periodically during our absence. I do believe that this arrangement was one of the factors that ultimately allowed me to leave with some comfort. That and an emotional conversation with my Mom, who talked me down from the proverbial ledge.
On January 16th, the day of our departure, the girls went to school for the morning as we had a late-afternoon flight. M and I picked up some coffees and went to see Oma for a last visit before our trip. And how grateful I am that we did, because this was to be one of the loveliest visits I'd had with her in some time. She was sweet as was always her nature, and more alert than she'd been during recent visits. Oma had always enjoyed a cup of coffee, but her appetite had gradually decreased to the point that she no longer consumed much of anything, let alone a hot beverage. But on this morning we were so happily surprised to hear that she did, indeed, want to join us in having some coffee! I went to get her a cup, and proceeded to cool it by pouring small amounts into a separate glass so that she could comfortably sip it through the straw I held to her lips. As the visit progressed, she drank the entire cup! We shared fun memories and M played songs on his phone that we knew she enjoyed, including the theme songs from some of the television shows I used to watch with Oma and Opa, 'The Love Boat' and 'Fantasy Island' topping off our favourites. This visit left me on such a high, ending with Oma's always heartfelt words, "I love you", and that feeling enabled me to carry on with our vacation plans for the week ahead.
And so Cuba provided the sunny warmth and relaxing atmosphere that I can now say may very well have been exactly what we needed during this rather somber time as a family. Cuban hospitality saw us connecting with people who worked at the resort, highlighted by the sweet relationship that developed between E and a young woman named Juleeta who worked at the smoothie bar that we visited each morning at breakfast. This upbeat and outgoing girl spoke to us openly about the courses she was taking as she continued her education, and always treated us to friendly smiles and waves as she greeted us and engaged us in conversation. We spent our days with no other schedules than those dictated by our stomachs, the eight of us making our way to lunch when we were ready for some sustenance and a break from the sun. Most amazing was the freedom afforded us all now that the girls have all reached more independent ages. Often disappearing in pairs, the girls were each armed with a friend and made their way to explore the resort, hit the pools for a swim, go and grab a snack, and visit the swim-up bar for a slushy drink, definitely a favourite activity of the "the littles" who were such regulars that the bartenders had nicknames for them and knew their orders by heart (oh yes, of course we are not oblivious to the near inevitable fact that this type of scenario will no doubt be repeated in years to come when the girls are older!). All of this independence left the adults with time to chat and relax, a surreal experience to be sure. M and I were even able to enjoy morning cappuccinos together, either on our beach-view patio or at the lounge, and some early beach walks, as our girls were comfortable with us leaving for short outings as dawn broke while they still slept.
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| Long shadows during a morning beach walk. |
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| The two "littles" at the swim-up bar, while the "bigs" look on. |
Peppered in amongst the hours of relaxation were pool-side zumba and dance classes, visits to the gorgeous beach for sand castle building, shell collecting and breathtaking walks, and swimming and paddle boat outings in the ocean. Evenings were spent dining and attending the resort's shows and other organized activities.
By the time our final day arrived, we were all ready to head back home. While vacationing is fantastic, there's always something wonderful about returning home. And in this case, the girls were both eager to return to school, we were all ready for some of the comforts of home, including our own beds and a kitchen stocked with some of the fruits, veggies and other favourite foods that we'd been missing, and above all, I wanted to get home to see Oma.
As I'd feared would inevitably be the case, Oma's condition had deteriorated during my absence, and the palliative care cart that greeted me in her room upon my return was a physical reminder of what we all knew was coming. We tried to take comfort in the knowledge that she was ready to leave this Earthly life, and that she wanted nothing more than to be with Opa. She passed away in the early hours of Saturday, January 28, and while we mourn her loss still, we know that this was the release she was ready for.
The truth is, some days I regret having gone on the trip, having not capitalized on some of those additional days with her. On other days I'm okay with it. I feel quite certain that Oma wouldn't want me to feel guilty about it, and so I try to be gentle with myself. I just miss her.
As I shared in my eulogy at her funeral, I will leave you with this image of comfort inspired by a good friend, and initially by a memory once shared with me by Oma as she recalled when she and Opa had shared time in a rose garden during the years of their courtship. She had told me years ago, “We were sitting on a bench, side by side, and then he picked a dark red rose and reached over and put it in my lapel.” During the days following Oma's death, we all took much comfort in the care and concern showed by many of our friends. Thanks to all of you who reached out in one way or another. Upon hearing of Oma’s passing, our dear friend Bruce shared his heartfelt sympathies with us, and then told us about a video that our loss reminded him of. He said, “There’s a wonderful Brad Paisley music video, with Andy Griffith, called ‘Waitin' on a Woman’. . . and the final scene is Andy in a white suit, waiting on a bench by the water, and he says to the camera, ‘Take your time, ‘cause I don’t mind, waitin' on a woman.’” Bruce proceeded to say, “I’m sure Opa was waiting with welcoming, open arms.”
I’m sure he was, too, and perhaps he had a deep red rose to put in Oma’s lapel.
Sources:
Brad Paisley's video, 'Waitin' on a Woman': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-C-IbkuNWs
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/2017-was-darkest-january-waterloo-kitchener-19-years-1.3963333
http://www.570news.com/2017/01/29/january-seeing-less-average-hours-sunlight/
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