Thought of the Week: You are a Badass!

Well, did the words in this post title catch your attention?! They certainly caught mine and M's when we were Christmas shopping for our girls this past festive season. Your opinion of us as parents might be forever altered when you read the following - or maybe your opinion will simply be confirmed! - but we bought H a page-a-day calendar called, "You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" by Jen Sincero. Buying this for our eldest daughter was not a desperate grasp at trying to change her in any way, shape or form, nor was it an effort to dig her out of any pit of despair, in which she is in no way stuck; she actively lives a self-proclaimed pretty awesome life. But like almost everyone, we notice that she often sells herself short, and we thought this could be a fun way to infuse her with some added confidence and provide her with some additional strategies for trusting herself in more situations. 

Of course, anyone who knows our H will not be surprised that she blushed profusely when she saw the title on the box upon opening her gift, and that she replies with an embarrassed, "Awww, Mom/Dad!" each and every time we proclaim, "You are a badass!" I'll admit that I do it sometimes just to see her cute reaction! But I must say that this calendar and its daily affirmations really are quite awesome. I make sure to pop into her room to read the latest page each day, and have also read them out to E and M on occasion, as the tips and advice given are often gems that I recognize we'd all benefit from hearing. Here's today's tidbit, which I have little doubt most of us need a reminder about once in a while: 

"This is about getting mighty clear about what makes you happy and what makes you feel the most alive, and then creating it instead of pretending you can't have it. 

Or that you don't deserve it. Or that you're a greedy, egomaniacal fathead for wanting more than you already have. Or listening to what Dad and Aunt Mary think you should be doing.

 It's about having the cojones to show up as the brightest, happiest, badassiest version of yourself, whatever that looks like to you."

(Sincero; Feb.9, 2017)

Seriously, don't you just want to go out and be the "badassiest version of yourself" that you possibly can be right now?! Don't you feel empowered to just, well, I don't know exactly what, but to go DO something that inspires the heck out of you?! I know I do! This feeling reminds me of how my friends and I felt a number of years ago when we were in the holding pen getting ready to participate in the Tough Mudder, touted as "probably the toughest event on the planet". As the crazy fates of coincidence would have it, the Eminem song, "Lose Yourself" - my number one pump-me-up tune of choice before any race I participate in - was blaring from the speakers around us as a man with more energy than I thought it possible for any one human to possess gave us the most motivational speech that I've ever had the very good fortune to hear. He pumped us up for the craziness of the Tough Mudder obstacles to come, including pits of mud, walls that could only be scaled with the help of our teammates and fellow participants, electrocution (yes, they lit some of us up like Christmas trees), vats of ice water to swim through (my personal nemesis, but my teammates saw me through it), heights to conquer, ski hills to run up, and many other rather insane hurdles that one wouldn't believe any people in their right mind would voluntarily face (and yet we paid to do this!). He was so inspiring that most thoughts of doubt that we'd had as we'd faced the start line were nearly banished and we rushed on in with excitement to conquer the course ahead. And we really did have a ridiculous amount of fun doing it! 

Motivational speaker extraordinaire!

  

But I do recall each of us at one point before and/or during the event facing moments of doubt. For me it was that ginormous dumpster filled with freezing cold water which was almost continuously being topped up with loads of ice. Doubt is that emotion, strongly linked to fear, that has the power to paralyze us and thus impede our journey through the most fulfilling life we might otherwise live. Sometimes doubt serves a valuable purpose, there to make us rethink a situation and ensure that we're making a sound decision. But other times it's groundless and is simply another version of those 'perceived thoughts' that I've mentioned so many times in previous posts. While I have a truly fearful and visceral reaction to the mere idea of being submerged in ice-cold water, I do know that in all but extreme cases in which I would obviously not volunteer to put myself, the cold water isn't actually going to harm me. My Tough Mudder pals knew about my near phobia. They coached me through my fears as we approached the 'Arctic Enema' (who wouldn't have some doubts about an obstacle with a name like that?!) and ensured I successfully completed it (yes, they pulled me in!). 

I'd like to share one more entry from H's calendar that I found to be incredibly relevant when I read it last week: 

"Forgive Yourself (Listen up! This one's extremely important)

You have screwed up in the past. You will screw up again. Every human is born with the ability to make spectacular mistakes. You are not alone. Screwing up is not your special skill. Get over it. Dragging around guilt and self-criticism is beyond unhealthy and is utterly pointless, not to mention boring . . . Get clear on this one truth: guilt, shame, and self-criticism are some of the most destructive forces in your life, which is why 

forgiving yourself is one of the most powerful."

(Sincero; Feb. 3, 2017)

Being able to forgive oneself for mistakes is an important piece of being resilient. Resilience is such a trendy concept these days for educators and parents in particular, and one that I believe is a trend that should stay and sink its way into the very fabric of society and each and every one of us. The ability to bounce back from difficulties and to recover from adversity or change has a profound impact on our personal happiness. Dwelling on misfortunes and on mistakes only perpetuates the cycle of shame and guilt. My feeling is, that's not how a badass wants to live!

If I can be so bold as to make a recommendation, here goes: do the work that needs to be done to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you've made in the past and for those that you will make in the future (it's practically inevitable). I will attempt the same. Please reread my post on self-compassion if you need further coaxing to forgive yourself: 
http://balancingb-g.blogspot.ca/search/label/Thought%20of%20the%20Week.
Now let's support one another in our efforts to live our lives as badasses. I certainly look forward to the "brightest, happiest, badassiest" versions of ourselves meeting up :)

My wonders: What does the "badassiest version of yourself" look like to you? Is anything standing in your way of being that 'you'? And if so, can you think of any ways that friends (including me, perhaps!) could help support you in your efforts to claiming that version of yourself?

Resource: Sincero, Jen. "You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, 2017 Calendar." Kansas City: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2016.